An Autumnal Invitation
Image by Abhishek Soni via Unsplashed
Hello friend. I hope this message finds you feeling so incredibly nourished by abundance as you complete your final harvests and prepare to move through the Autumnal Equinox.
Even as I write the above sentence, I know in my heart that this won’t be the case for most of you. This has been an incredibly tough year for so many of us and has pressed on most of our abilities to sit with the intense amount of suffering swirling in and all around us.
In vulnerability, I admit that I have been sitting with deep feelings of despair, grief, hopelessness and inadequacy. But I also wouldn’t be sharing my whole truth if I left it at that. This year has also been unbelievably nourishing to my whole being. I have experienced joy, gratitude, deep connection, and meaningful moments as I have continued living and building my dream life. Every day I experience hope and witness wild reciprocity while working on this beautiful land with all its incredible resources and wise inhabitants. I am also constantly inspired by other humans around me who are showing me how to take my service to Nature and my community even deeper.
The tension between these two opposing forces has challenged me! The question of how to hold space for gratitude and abundance while also feeling rage, helplessness, and despair as I watch the fire blaze has been one I have contemplated often. Through it all though, I have never stopped believing that it is possible to hold this level of complexity. As I have practiced this belief, it turns out, I have actually gotten pretty damn good at it, and I’m beginning to realize that this hard earned skill will be a necessary one for us when it comes time to build anew.
So as we move toward the Autumnal Equinox, I am reminded of the possibility of balance - between light and dark, fear and love, grace and advocacy, tolerance and overwhelm, suffering and compassion. I find solace and guidance in what Joanna Macy shared in her beautiful book, World as Lover, World as Self - “We are capable of suffering with our world, and that is the true meaning of compassion. It enables us to recognize our profound interconnectedness with all beings. Don’t apologize for the sorrow, grief, and rage you feel. It is a measure of your humanity and your maturity. It is the measure of your open heart, and as your heart breaks open there will be room for the world to heal.”
So how can we let it all in - straight into our hearts?
All of it - the moments of joy, sadness, relief, and intense suffering. I find the depth of feeling from so much of it often leaves my brain believing my body can’t take anymore! I tighten my body, restrict my breathing, and find myself gasping for air. My mind literally believes my body might break under the pressure. This is not a place logic can understand. But our hearts and bodies know it well. It is an honor to be human, but a real journey to come back home to ourselves.
So how do we come back into feeling the full spectrum of our emotions when we have so desperately separated from them in order to protect ourselves? How can we make space to accept our own suffering much less the suffering of others? It seems impossible. There’s no more space.
What if the journey is more about learning how to sit with the fear and discomfort of our emotions. To get the reps in and learn that not only will we not break under the pressure, but that there might be treasures hidden in the deep. Getting the diamond out of the coal face. Instead of fighting to keep the tears at bay or looking for the “appropriate” space to release them, we learn how to become more settled in our vulnerability. We can become the ones who accept our vulnerability without needing others to accept it too. What a very different world we would live in.
Today most of us clamor to show how not vulnerable we are. It’s not only inauthentic, but it causes our pain to become intolerable leading us to further defend against it, and the cycle continues. Division, domination, violence, and indifference. Leadership through force rather than through empowerment.
But what if it isn't the emotion itself, but how we feel about our emotions that causes our suffering.
What if we learned how to feel emotions cleanly? In my experience, when emotions are allowed to flow freely and are respected for the wisdom they bring, they rise and fall within a really short period of time. The average is 90 sec or less. Whoa.
One of our greatest potentials as a human species is to transform our way of being with ourselves and with each other. To shift the belief that vulnerability is our weakness instead of our compassion. We often mix feeling emotions with vulnerability and shame. How deep does this belief system go and what would it take to shift the paradigm? I wonder how often you feel like you can’t accept and allow your emotions in.
How about at work? Nope. Best not cry or express truth or despair there. In the workplace, most of us are asked to leave all of that at the door. In essence, leave your whole self at the door and produce like the machine they know and can handle.
Are you in the middle of a coffee shop or the grocery store? Whatever you do, don’t get into conflict with your special someone there or your drama will draw attention. In “polite” society, we don’t air our human-ness in public.
What about when you are asked, “How are you?” What about there? Do you often respond with “Good” or “Busy.” Safer right? On the other hand, how often do you need someone else to be feeling “Good” because you don’t have space for all of your stuff let alone someone else’s. So when you ask the question, you secretly hope they won’t really answer.
Are you alone? Finally! Now you can get to how you’re really feeling. Wait, should you be having “You” time right now? That feels self–indulgent. If you can get over that conditioned response, then be on the lookout for the 1001 distractions that are intentionally designed to keep you from going within.
What about even further back…to a starting point? Let’s try that. I wonder how often when you got upset as a child you were told, “You’re ok,” rather than being asked, “Are you ok?”
Our bodies have become giant storage containers for our emotions. At least until our storage containers get so full that we get easily triggered by someone else and we project all of that messiness all over them, and then they take that to the next person they come into contact with, and so on and so forth. With all of the challenges to our current form, how in the world can we go about transmuting all of this chaos and overwhelm?
There are so many possibilities to try, but in effort to keep the list somewhat brief, I want to share with you a few things I have been experimenting with over the years:
Believe. I know this sounds simple because it is…You have to believe in the importance of your emotions. There are many spiritual modalities out there that can help you shift your beliefs around this, but if you need scientific data to support you, a good book to start with is Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett.
Make time. Emotions aren’t invited when there isn’t enough space to work with them. They need gentleness, commitment and care. 30 min connections can be useful when talking about a task list, but when working with the complexities that come with being human together, you need space to actually listen and connect with the friction that may arise from your close contact.
Shift your mindset. Recognize that your value does not come from solving it for people but from the ability to create a sense of belonging while holding space for intimacy and understanding. To do this, you will need to gauge your ability to let suffering in.
Get the reps in. Practice feeling your emotions in front of others. Be ok with not being good at it yet. Be sure to practice with people you trust. Create the container and be sure to build the freedom to fail into that container. I promise you, you will feel better for it.
It’s time for us to accept ourselves, all of ourselves, including our emotional selves. By not accepting and breathing loving awareness into our emotions, we inevitably end up sharing them anyway just unconsciously through projection. Instead we could take responsibility for how we feel and change the world from the inside out.
With the energy of the celestial bodies supporting us, why not start today? Not only can the Autumnal Equinox be a powerful portal of its very own, but this year, joining the Equinox is also a New Moon AND a Solar Eclipse. 😱🔥 Together they become a powerful intersection of New Beginnings, Transformation, and Letting Go of what no longer serves you. Sounds really helpful for the times we now find ourselves in.
I love you. You can do this if you want to. If you need guidance and mentorship on your path, that’s what I do. I will walk alongside you as you come home to yourself and come back into your body. I will hold space and be a powerful, gentle reflector as you mine the depth of your shadows, create space for your emotions and face the fear that arises because you are doing so. Together we will discover the messages and magic contained within your suffering so you fall in love with yourself and more freely and fully express love and vulnerability with others.
Plus, I am SOOO excited to share that my schedule has opened up the opportunity to add two NEW beautiful humans to my list of beautiful humans I am currently mentoring. If you feel called by the energies of the Equinox, New Moon, and Solar Eclipse to finally say, “Yes!” to stepping into your most powerful self, then check out my Mentorship Offerings.
These portals can be incredibly inspiring, and if you have been wanting mentorship and guidance, but haven’t been able to afford it, I’ve got you. As I shared earlier, I have been feeling deeply nourished by the abundance and reciprocity in my life, and have also been feeling so inspired to deepen my service to others who want to do this powerful work. With these two new slots, I have decided to try something different. I want to experiment with a Pay What You Can model for my Fall in Love with Yourself offering (typically $250/month) for the next two people who sign up. Admittedly, this is a new experience for me, but if you have the courage to try something new with me and have been waiting for an opportunity to afford this support, then why wait any longer? Sign up for a Discovery Call with me and let’s connect. I cannot wait to see you there.
